Uncle Enfield vs. Cousin KTM (The Indian Motorcycle Family Drama)

Uncle Enfield nice and loaded with 54 years of stories

For many of us Royal Enfield is like one of our favorite uncles who used to bring sweets and stories of adventure when we were young. But as we grew older, we realized our uncle had taken few liberties to morph his story with other more famous tales. At first you thought it was mere coincidence that his exploits sounded uncannily similar to Rambo’s. But soon reliable sources began to confirm what you had already begun to suspect, that your uncle’s imagination was fueled not by actual experience but wishful thinking.

That’s the bittersweet revelation for most Enfield owners. We buy into the exotic story of adventure from a bygone era retold a thousand times, ignoring the fine print. When the ‘rubber hits the road’ one is rattled awake by an ever growing list of annoyances. Add to that shoddy R&D, poor PR, and sheer incompetence in most of the RE service centers.

We believed our uncle, this war veteran, this mystical maverick…made in Chennai and sold to us via Europe. But when the stories don’t match the reality, that’s when the boys get separated from the men. Boys throw a tantrum and get bitter towards Uncle Enfield. They curse and cry and call it names like “an overweight gorilla counting its last days” and other unmentionables.

The men who move on can be categorized into two sections. The first are those who turn into the abovementioned dotting uncle-type who overlook the obvious defects. Instead they go down that long and windy route of romanticizing every misadventure as part of the ‘Royal’ package. They can often be spotted with a silly smile reading poetry to their bikes or clicking ‘Like’ on all things Enfield.

The second type of bikers, are more pragmatic and they don’t hang around RE workshops begging for sense to prevail. They research, add performance parts, tweak the engine, replace all the nuts and bolts, make it road worthy and refrain from giving their machine a female name.

Cousin KTM: what you see is what you get

So going back to the Indian motorcycle saga…well, in such a world where Uncle Enfield was boss and no other stories existed in the 350-500cc family now a kid called KTM suddenly appears to give us the much needed drama.

Here’s a short recap: So far in the story Uncle Enfield’s sister Aunty Bajaj had at one point married Mr. Vespa. She unceremoniously divorced him but then continued to clone Chetak’s, Super’s and Priya’s in the likeness of Mr. Vespa, who was understandably upset and was waiting for a chance to make a comeback as the real daddy.

Meanwhile Uncle Enfield had lost all his bearings and had become depressed. Just when all looked lost, he met Miss Eicher (heavy set with a soft heart) who saw potential and took charge of Uncle Enfield’s sad state and together they kick-started a new life. There was no competition. They made bombastic bikes that claimed to be “Built like a Gun” but moved like a canon (which explains the logo) Finally Uncle Enfield was happy and much loved. Fast forward to circa 2013 Enfield’s latest bikes are not built like a gun but simply “for fun”

All this time since leaving Mr. Vespa, Aunty Bajaj had lost little time before finding other suitable partners like Mr. Kawasaki. But pretty soon her favorite color went from green to orange, thanks to Mr. KTM. No one really knows how to pronounce Mr. KTM’s full name but ever since he arrived they have been claiming to be “Ready to Race”. For the mathematically challenged even the missing 10cc adds intrigue to the 390.

Initially our Uncle Enfield was amused and carried on dressing up his two pet engines (350 & 500) in various shapes and shades and kept playing the ‘retro’ card. Until one day he was abruptly introduced to Cousin KTM390 who came screaming in and quickly got tongues wagging. Some drooled, others cursed, but no one stayed silent. A cocky street fighter with no room for any pillions or English mannerisms, he was everything Uncle Enfield had mocked and lacked. Things began to get awkward when some sections started to compare this upstart with the great martyr RD350, who happened to be Uncle Enfield’s archrival from yonder years.

Like the heroes of bygone era who are given more ‘senior’ roles in modern films and are fondly categorized in the ‘golden-oldies’ category, Uncle Enfield too has settled into that role, aware that he is not getting the hero’s role anymore. “Everyone is not making way for an Enfield” but everyone also knows no one can ever replace their favorite Uncle.

It’s just that now when we hear grandiose stories of ‘Trip through Tibet’ or from ‘Ace Café to Madras Café’ we take it with a pinch of salt. The dress up looks good in a mag and online videos, but on the road, it is not long before one starts to separate myth from truth yet without compromising our affection towards Uncle Enfield.

That affection is what has people test riding the GT Continental, and then putting down their deposits for the KTM390. Hopefully Uncle will survive on love and goodwill for another 50 years.