Uncle Enfield vs. Cousin KTM (The Indian Motorcycle Family Drama)
Uncle Enfield nice and loaded with 54 years of stories |
That’s the bittersweet revelation for most Enfield owners. We
buy into the exotic story of adventure from a bygone era retold a thousand
times, ignoring the fine print. When the ‘rubber hits the road’ one is rattled
awake by an ever growing list of annoyances. Add to that shoddy R&D, poor
PR, and sheer incompetence in most of the RE service centers.
We believed our uncle, this war veteran, this mystical maverick…made
in Chennai and sold to us via Europe. But when the stories don’t match the
reality, that’s when the boys get separated from the men. Boys throw a tantrum
and get bitter towards Uncle Enfield. They curse and cry and call it names like
“an overweight gorilla counting its last days” and other unmentionables.
The men who move on can be categorized into two sections. The first
are those who turn into the abovementioned dotting uncle-type who overlook the
obvious defects. Instead they go down that long and windy route of romanticizing
every misadventure as part of the ‘Royal’ package. They can often be spotted
with a silly smile reading poetry to their bikes or clicking ‘Like’ on all
things Enfield.
The second type of bikers, are more pragmatic and they don’t
hang around RE workshops begging for sense to prevail. They research, add
performance parts, tweak the engine, replace all the nuts and bolts, make it
road worthy and refrain from giving their machine a female name.
Cousin KTM: what you see is what you get |
So going back to the Indian motorcycle saga…well, in such a
world where Uncle Enfield was boss and no other stories existed in the
350-500cc family now a kid called KTM suddenly appears to
give us the much needed drama.
Here’s a short recap: So far in the story Uncle Enfield’s sister
Aunty Bajaj had at one point married Mr. Vespa. She unceremoniously divorced
him but then continued to clone Chetak’s, Super’s and Priya’s in the likeness
of Mr. Vespa, who was understandably upset and was waiting for a chance to make
a comeback as the real daddy.
Meanwhile Uncle Enfield had lost all his bearings and had become
depressed. Just when all looked lost, he met Miss Eicher (heavy set with a soft
heart) who saw potential and took charge of Uncle Enfield’s sad state and
together they kick-started a new life. There was no competition. They made
bombastic bikes that claimed to be “Built like a Gun” but moved like a canon
(which explains the logo) Finally Uncle Enfield was happy and much loved. Fast forward
to circa 2013 Enfield’s latest bikes are not built like a gun but simply “for fun”
All this time since leaving Mr. Vespa, Aunty Bajaj had lost
little time before finding other suitable partners like Mr. Kawasaki. But
pretty soon her favorite color went from green to orange, thanks to Mr. KTM. No
one really knows how to pronounce Mr. KTM’s full name but ever since he arrived
they have been claiming to be “Ready to Race”. For the mathematically
challenged even the missing 10cc adds intrigue to the 390.
Initially our Uncle Enfield was amused and carried on dressing
up his two pet engines (350 & 500) in various shapes and shades and kept
playing the ‘retro’ card. Until one day he was abruptly introduced to Cousin
KTM390 who came screaming in and quickly got tongues wagging. Some drooled, others
cursed, but no one stayed silent. A cocky street fighter with no room for any
pillions or English mannerisms, he was everything Uncle Enfield had mocked and
lacked. Things began to get awkward when some sections started to compare this
upstart with the great martyr RD350, who happened to be Uncle Enfield’s archrival
from yonder years.
Like the heroes of bygone era who are given more ‘senior’ roles
in modern films and are fondly categorized in the ‘golden-oldies’ category,
Uncle Enfield too has settled into that role, aware that he is not getting the
hero’s role anymore. “Everyone is not making way for an Enfield” but everyone
also knows no one can ever replace their favorite Uncle.
It’s just that now when we hear grandiose stories of ‘Trip
through Tibet’ or from ‘Ace Café to Madras Café’ we take it with a pinch of
salt. The dress up looks good in a mag and online videos, but on the road, it
is not long before one starts to separate myth from truth yet without compromising our affection towards Uncle Enfield.
That affection is what has people test riding the GT Continental,
and then putting down their deposits for the KTM390. Hopefully Uncle will survive on love and goodwill for another 50
years.
Enjoyed it much Josh. Makes me wanna buy the KTM390 even more.
ReplyDeleteThanks William, through all the rides we've organized, people have switched to an Enfield from their smaller cc bikes...never to anything else...until now...since KTM390 came along people have another option, especially those who dont have time to humor their temperamental bike like RE..but like I mentioned above, Enfield is going no where (neither from peoples hearts nor when it comes to better R&D :)
DeleteWonderfully written.. with all the family members portrayed.. I guess Uncle Enfield is set to die one day.. as and when our Western Uncle Harley comes into everyone's hands.. ;)
ReplyDelete